this is how you know that dating someone is not like the kind you read about in fairytales, or watch in movies, or even read in fiction novels, there seems to always be an underlying theme of love that makes the story more humanistic than not. but you know that this idealism of true love is the kind that you were brought up to understand and expect from another, not how it actually is in real life. i know this to be true when say, the girl you've liked and care for x amount of months, who supposedly likes you back and treats you like her boyfriend but just can't stop lying to you. i know we argue and such but we wouldn't been arguing if there was no reason to argue. its hard for me to trust her after what she did last year. its hard for me to trust her when her co-worker always calls you every night and try to get at you when he know your dating someone. i know i always tend to start the argument but she's the one who triggers it from me. i know i accept all my faults. i wouldn't argue with her if there was no reason too. fucks up dearly, the last argument we had, she wanted alone time with her friends or space, and now she doesn't even want me. and the only thing she can say is 'i over slept and i've been home, fell asleep early' but in reality she was out and smoking, partying and avoiding my phone calls. and even when you succumb to weakness and beg her to have a talk and honesty, she seems to avoid the talk all the time giving me excuses and say she will call back. once again i was left in the cold, with uncertainty and no answers. history repeated itself. i know she found someone already and played me like a fool. oh well.
i just hope she knows what she wants with her life. i don't think i want to settle with her lifestyle. thank you for everything. for sure i won't forget about her. i want to BELIEVE that we aren't meant to be over yet. and thats why she can still make me smile. perhaps the day that she can no longer make me smile and laugh is the day that i'll be ready to move on. but not yet. not when she's still the one that i like you with all my heart. but that only happens in fairytales and what not.
i pray for honesty and devotion.